The Go(o)dmother

Every night before I sleep, probably that 2-3 minutes before I actually doze off into my at-times-dreamless-sleep, I will start doing a 'muhasabah diri' - an evaluation of how good (or bad) I had been for the day. Sometimes I'd be pleased. More times, I am not.

I will tell you why. As a parent, one of the things that I wonder about is whether I am or have been a good mother to my 2 children. Being a mom is no doubt a tough job. I am constantly left to wonder whether I have done enough as a mother. Did I bond with them enough? What value or lesson have I taught them for today? Have I given them enough encouragement? Are they eating enough / healthily or are they hungry going to bed? I also would evaluate how I fare on the 'anger management' bit? You know laa, scolding kids too often would result in them growing up hostile, and I certainly don't want them to be... Am I letting their talents go to waste?? etc etc..

It doesn't help when you find out from your lil chats with your childhood friend that she's got different programmes arranged for her children daily, for example - visits to the bookstore, or to the library.. Visits to the pet store, in addition to the teaching of Maths, English, Bahasa & doing little Science experiments with them. That lil chat has basically left me feeling that I am NOT doing enough with (or for) my children. Sad indeed.

I am not sure if all mothers wonder the same. For me, I guess I will always feel a pang of guilt. I don't think I am ever doing enough. So my muhasabah diri is almost always to try and improve myself to become a better mother. I am hopeful. Tomorrow's a brand new day. It will be better..